How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
