tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize