She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
