Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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