dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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