the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
