I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
