I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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