So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
