i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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