omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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