I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
