who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
