Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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