dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
