i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
