My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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