Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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