He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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