my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
