I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
