you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
