Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
