haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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