great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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