I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
