I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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