your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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