the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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