a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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