who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
