YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
