dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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