She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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