she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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