I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
