i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
