I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
