The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
