Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize