Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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