Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My vagina just recognized that song.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
