i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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