And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
