I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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