my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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