every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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