we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
