Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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