Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
