hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did i walk over a car last night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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