Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
