eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
