Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
