I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
