Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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