remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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