I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
