Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
