So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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