I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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