I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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