Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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